You read that right. Nail polish.

I am not artistic. Not in the way I’d like to be. I can create cosmetics out of raw materials, design great packaging, and sometimes even badass clothing! But ask me to draw a circle, and you’re getting a weird drunk oval. A square? It comes out a drunken rhombus. When trying to describe a piece of furniture I want to build, I often resort to folding a piece of paper (badly) into roughly the shape I want so I can point to it and explain myself in 3D. It’s bad guys. That bad.

So since I will never be a painter, and since my wardrobe consists of 96% black, grey, white or beige; I like to get colorful and creative with my nails. I like color in small doses, and I do love playing with makeup (more about that later) but walking around in a full face of makeup (besides being dangerous since I forget and rub it all over the place like a 4 year old) is like sporting a really awesome back tattoo: You know it’s there, and you know it looks amazing. . . but you don’t get to see it all the time! I want to admire my handiwork!!

I mean seriously, look at this handiwork:

There’s also a health element to it. I don’t just refer to my nails as talons because of the whole Phoenixx thing / bird imagery. I do it because they are sharp as razors. I get the side-eye from people when my mani starts wearing off at the edges and I girl-gasp like *eep! I need to paint my nails!*. It’s not a vanity thing, it’s a safety thing. I have more than a few thin swipe scars from a careless hand wave. Loose thread tickling my shoulder? ::CLAW:: Stray hair in my face ::CLAW:: I wake up with scratches on my face sometimes because they don’t make those cute baby hand-binding mittens in adult sizes :-/ (Yes, I know I could just wear regular mittens, but I would pull them off. I’m willful even when unconscious)

I’m on my way to the nail salon now with a friend I only get to see one or twice a year. Pedis only though. I won’t let anyone else do my nails because there is a process needed to protect myself and the general public from the flesh rending menace at my fingertips and it’s too much to ask of another person, AND I’d be there all day.

Nail Envy > Nail Envy > Bonder > Color > Color > Design > Top Coat > Seche Vite

So if we ever shake hands, just know I did that all for you!